Some of you might find this hard to believe, those of you who've known me for the wild Indian child I once was, will know exactly how I could have done this..many moons ago...

I was in this foster home. One of many. To many growing up.

As foster homes go, it wasn't too bad. Only one other child and he was nice to me. The foster dad, he had more hands than an octopus and being alone with him was an exercise in my ingenuity and maneuverability.. I had to be able to move FAST to get away from him..

Now, what does this have to do with party lines you ask? Well.. there was this guy who lived down the road and he worked at the local prison.. Kingston Ontario is prison capital of Canada.. several maximum and minimum prisons in an hour or so's drive.

This neighbour for whom I baby sate, had more hands than I could keep track of and the foster dad thought it was funny to watch me try.. the neighbor was young, about 23 or so and married.. I think I was about 14..

So, devious Deedee comes up with a 'pay back' plan..she gets on the party line and starts talking to her best friend who lived just down the road.. oh, did I mention that the prison guards wife was the neighborhood gossip and listened in to EVERY conversation? And spread twisted and distorted everything into downright MEAN stories?

So we talked about my 'affair' with this wonderful married man..and how I was going to run away with him the next day.. and how he hated his poor, frigid wife, and how neither of us couldn't wait to consummate our relationship.. my friend was in on the whole thing and would be unavailable when and if asked..

Early next morning, I packed a bag, lots of food and drinks.. and climbed up into the big old maple tree in the yard.. and proceeded to watch the circus unfold..have I mentioned lately that I love the circus?

First the foster mom came out screaming my name.. running frantically hither and yon, next the foster dad.. about an hour later the neighbor lady showed up, making wild accusations.. (her husband had left on a hunting trip and it took her some hours to figure out that I'd been talking about HER husband, after all, SHE wasn't frigid.. it was her wifely duty to pleasure her husband at least once a year or so.)

Then came the nasty lady from the children's aid society.. in her rattly old Edsel that she never drove over 30 miles per hour.. finally the local police..who still wore Red uniforms back then..

The circus went on till Grandfather Sun began his descent towards night time.. and I discovered that I'd forgotten an essential item in my bag for tree sitting.. mosquito repellent.. every been in southern Ontario in mosquito season? It's NOT pretty..

After an hour or two of swatting them off, and losing at least a liter of blood, I came down from my hiding place to face the music..

An hour of lecturing, threats of 'mischief' charges from the local county Mounties, threats of 'you'll never amount to anything girl' from the CAS lady.. glares and black looks from the foster parents...

After the circus all packed up and went home, I got a beating on my behind with a willow switch that left me standing for my meals for a week..

What happened to the neighborhood gossip? Well, she was so upset about the 'frigid' comment that the prison guard was smiling for days and days.. and bought me a big box of chocolates to say thank you for the improvement in his 'private life' as it was called there and then..

She also had to give up being the local gossip.. they put private lines in about two months later..

Me? Well, I grew up to be the wild Indian Child.. mother of many, both home grown and adopted, and Kokum (grandmother) of more.. who delights in sharing her past adventures..

And for the suspicious of mind, No, I never did have any 'relations' with the prison guard.. made the whole thing up..

Even with the switching, on my butt, it was worth it, to watch them all running round like hornets in a flower field..

Don't do the crime if ya can't do the time.. naw..hay, that was a different movie..

Deedee