Football as Mormon Religion

The Mohawk community is built upon a foundation of spirituality and consensus, cast over a warrior mentality. It is rumored that Gene Roddenbury modelled the Klingon society after the Mohawks. Whether this is true or not, it might as well be. Violence is avoided by good Mohawks until there is no other choice. But when pushed to it, the attitude, is 'win BIG!'. When it reaches this point, if you know what is good for you, you want the Mohawk on YOUR side.

We have a saying in our home, "Don't piss off the Mohawk". The Mormon has found these words of great wisdom, for he has seen others do this, and values his own scalp. While the Mohawk constantly reassures him that he has nothing to fear, there are several ancient and modern Mohawk weapons positioned strategically around the house. While they may be somewhat decorative, or symbols of the Mohawk's culture of origin, they serve as a forceful reminder of the family saying.

The Mohawk hates violence. She is MOST verbal about this. She won't watch violent movies, and encourages everyone else in the family to avoid them as well. In fact, she actively and vocally discourages all within her purview to avoid supporting any such horrible and wasteful and nasty thing. It is her belief that if people stopped watching them, the movie makers would soon cease producing them. This would lead to a great deal more peace in the world than currently exists.

Which leads us to one of the most important annual rituals here in Happy Valley, BYU Football. The Mohawk loves ritual, and thinks we Mormons need much more of it. The Mormon thinks that BYU football is a sub-cult of Mormonism. It's prophet, Lavell Edwards, has passed the mantle to coach Gary Crowton. With his wonderful winning record, Coach Crowton must carry the true mantle of God's football team.

There is always a trial of faith when a new prophet is named in any of the Mormon faiths, and BYU football is no different. Your feelings about multiple ear rings are similar to those you may feel about a quarterback controversy or whether you shouldn't drink Pepsi on Sunday. Just pray about the new coach and get your own testimony. Some of the less faithful may wait for a winning record, but there are fence sitters in any religion.

When the Mohawk thinks about football, she thinks of violence. Never mind that she likes hockey, that's just a side effect of the brain washing she received being brought up in Canada. The Mohawk thinks it is important for the reader to note that she does not condone the violence in hockey, and believes it is there simply to 'sell' the sport. Violence is not an integral part of hockey, in her opinion.

The Mohawk asks, "Is the spirit of the Lord grieved by football? or by the attitude and behaviors of it's fan's?" To which the Mormon replies, "Football is not grievous to the Lord, as long as the Lord's team has a passing offense." The bible of BYU football is Lee Benson's book, "And They Came to Pass." The title says it all. In the twilight years of Lavell's ministry, some doubt was cast upon his adherence to this basic principle of the religion of BYU football. Coach Crowton continues the passing dynasty, where brains beat brawn, as long as you have an effective running game.

The Mohawk also believes that the Lord would be far less grieved by this violent sport if those watching via television screens of all sizes, would treat their families with the same respect they show the game when it is broadcast. She believes there are far too many 'football widows and orphans' in Happy Valley, who for what ever reason are silent. The Mohawk believes that by attaching more importance to the game than to the family (at least while the game is being played) than to the relationships that last beyond the game, those doing so are failing to 'walk their talk', that is, failing to live the Gospel in their daily lives.